Disappointment

Disappointment:

I get disappointed. Wow… Shocker… We all do. I get disappointed in myself more than I do of others.  I make stupid mistakes and fail EVERY. SINGLE . DAY. There are things that I wish I could do better and things that I wish would come more easily to me. But, they don’t and I fail. I am a failure. No big deal right? No, it is a big deal. I am going to open up some pretty fresh stuff not many people know right now. Are you ready?

I suck at school.

Yep, I am a terrible student. This semester I put in numerous hours into one class and still not passing with a grade that will allow me to move forward. I can sit here and place the blame on my teacher for being too hard, or the material not being clear, or the muscles not being labeled well enough, etc. But, that is not where the problem lies. Have you heard the saying “when you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing right back at you”? That is the most true statement I have ever heard! The blame is on me. I could be a better student. I could devote more time to studying and getting the help I need to pass the class. But, I didn’t.

I gave up.

Here is the shocker… I stopped going to my class. I bombed one test and threw my hands up in defeat. I felt like a failure and wanted to hide from my problem. This isn’t the first time in my life I have given up either. When I was on the World Race, I gave up many times. But, God is funny. He puts people in my life that make me pull up my big girl panties and get on with life. There are no tantrums allowed. This semester has been rough and I have been super stressed out with this class. My time of defeat was coming, and I gave into that.

Victory comes out of our despair.

I talked with a friend yesterday and words spewed out of my mouth about not holding onto fear and not holding onto the past. As I was telling her to speak life and joy into her own life…proclaim the VICTORY in her life, I was feeling the victory in my life. It is funny how that works. I was preaching to her and the words kept coming and I was in tears knowing that I need to be doing the same things that I was telling her to do. I needed to believe in the victory. Not because I didn’t want her to call me a fraud, but because I needed to hear the same message I was preaching. The words were not my own and they were very powerful.

Hope.

I may have been a failure and will be a failure in the future, but, I know that there is victory and that I will overcome the bumps in the road along the way. I just need to be reminded now and then. I am grateful for the people in my life who kick my butt and make me get up again. It usually takes more than one person, but, I do get back up and move forward again.  I re-registered for the class in the spring and I am excited to start fresh with a new perspective.

My goal for you is to live life to the fullest of your ability. When times have you down and you feel like a failure, pull up your big girl panties and get up. Ask God to bring you people of peace who will tell you to get up, no matter how bad you feel about yourself. Buckle up those boot straps and just keep swimming. (Ok, that is a lot of random clichés all in one, but you won’t forget it now!)