The
Unknown-
There
are so many things that are unknowns in our lives. Most of them we don’t really
think about often. When am I getting married… What am I having for supper… Who
is going to win this football game… I
have had some weird unknowns in my life. I might make them to be more than what
they are (I could be a little dramatic) I had surgery on my eye twice. The
second time (a week after the first surgery) my doctor told me that he couldn’t
guarantee that I would be able to see and that this surgery would work. He said
that even if the silicone band holds my retina for now, doesn’t mean it won’t
become detached again. So, there is that unknown. The recent unknown is a lump
I found in my axilla. I didn’t want to get it looked at. I figured the pain would
go away after a few days. It didn’t. I called and made an appointment and got
checked out. My doctor was concerned and sent me for another appointment. So,
this morning I went to the Breast and Bone health clinic for a more in depth
exam.
The
nurse hands me a cape (yes, a cape… not a gown) and tells me to put this on
with the opening in the front and then sit down in this holding chamber (lol)
with an elderly woman wearing the same cape. I get checked out by 3 different
people and then a nurse tells me that they want me to come in for yet another
appointment. Ugh- more unknowns. She told me that I have an irregular lymph
node and they need to take samples of it. They have no idea what would be
causing this, especially since I am healthy.
Friday
I get to go back and have a needle jabbed in and out of my armpit multiple
times so they can get a tissue sample. She said that basically they will have
the needle scrape the lymph node multiple times to get enough cells to test.
She also said that they may need to do this 2-3 times in order to get enough to
test. More unknowns. Can’t I just have
something simple? Why can’t I just have an easy problem?
Then I got
convicted by this quote…
“It never ceases to amaze me when God wants to
take someone to the next level in their life and they let fear of the unknown
rob them of tremendous blessings. I think there are two common problems with
Christians- They are scared to death of being truly free and of God's
overwhelming love.”
― R. Alan Woods, The Journey Is the Destination: A Book of Quotes With Commentaries
― R. Alan Woods, The Journey Is the Destination: A Book of Quotes With Commentaries
While on the World
Race, God gave me a vision of what I was doing in my life. He showed me why I
wasn’t free. Every time I ‘let something go’ I hang on to a tiny thread of it.
The more I think about it, the more this fear or whatever starts unraveling and
falling back onto me. I am doing that again now. Why am I afraid? I KNOW that God is the
healer and provider. I KNOW that
God has a plan for my life and this bump in the road is not going to stand in
the way. I KNOW that I am a BLESSED (that is for you
mom) Child of a KING.
I KNOW that I am loved
beyond any measure. I KNOW
that I can be free if I LET GO… So why do I hold on? Why can’t I give up that control? Just because
my future is unknown to me doesn’t mean that God doesn’t know what the heck He
is doing. Do I wish I knew the plan? Yes! Do I want that power? No thank you. My
God is a God of power and a God of life. I will leave my life in his power.
So, with that- I
will try to let go of the fear…
Romans 8:38-39
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