The Unknown

The Unknown-

There are so many things that are unknowns in our lives. Most of them we don’t really think about often. When am I getting married… What am I having for supper… Who is going to win this football game…  I have had some weird unknowns in my life. I might make them to be more than what they are (I could be a little dramatic) I had surgery on my eye twice. The second time (a week after the first surgery) my doctor told me that he couldn’t guarantee that I would be able to see and that this surgery would work. He said that even if the silicone band holds my retina for now, doesn’t mean it won’t become detached again. So, there is that unknown. The recent unknown is a lump I found in my axilla. I didn’t want to get it looked at. I figured the pain would go away after a few days. It didn’t. I called and made an appointment and got checked out. My doctor was concerned and sent me for another appointment. So, this morning I went to the Breast and Bone health clinic for a more in depth exam.

The nurse hands me a cape (yes, a cape… not a gown) and tells me to put this on with the opening in the front and then sit down in this holding chamber (lol) with an elderly woman wearing the same cape. I get checked out by 3 different people and then a nurse tells me that they want me to come in for yet another appointment. Ugh- more unknowns. She told me that I have an irregular lymph node and they need to take samples of it. They have no idea what would be causing this, especially since I am healthy.

Friday I get to go back and have a needle jabbed in and out of my armpit multiple times so they can get a tissue sample. She said that basically they will have the needle scrape the lymph node multiple times to get enough cells to test. She also said that they may need to do this 2-3 times in order to get enough to test. More unknowns.  Can’t I just have something simple? Why can’t I just have an easy problem?

Then I got convicted by this quote…

“It never ceases to amaze me when God wants to take someone to the next level in their life and they let fear of the unknown rob them of tremendous blessings. I think there are two common problems with Christians- They are scared to death of being truly free and of God's overwhelming love.” 
― R. Alan Woods, The Journey Is the Destination: A Book of Quotes With Commentaries

While on the World Race, God gave me a vision of what I was doing in my life. He showed me why I wasn’t free. Every time I ‘let something go’ I hang on to a tiny thread of it. The more I think about it, the more this fear or whatever starts unraveling and falling back onto me. I am doing that again now. Why am I afraid? I KNOW that God is the healer and provider. I KNOW that God has a plan for my life and this bump in the road is not going to stand in the way. I KNOW that I am a BLESSED (that is for you mom) Child of a KING. I KNOW that I am loved beyond any measure. I KNOW that I can be free if I LET GO… So why do I hold on? Why can’t I give up that control? Just because my future is unknown to me doesn’t mean that God doesn’t know what the heck He is doing. Do I wish I knew the plan? Yes! Do I want that power? No thank you. My God is a God of power and a God of life. I will leave my life in his power.

So, with that- I will try to let go of the fear…

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.